Cyclic Insomaniac

I’m not a morning person. I hate waking up before the sun rises. I hate it when the world is still dark and I had to get up for whatever reason I need to get up and start the day early. Fortunately, that doesn’t happen often. I don’t mind waking up not too early, to start my day right, but I feel so much more active when I am at night. I feel like the day just started when night falls. I feel like I have so much potential to do so many things when the sun goes down. I do feel tired from time to time, especially a long day at work. I sometimes crave to sleep early and get a good night’s rest. But everytime I do that, I can’t help but feel that it is just another wasted opportunity for me to do something that I would truly enjoy at night.

Night, with its peace and quite, is just simply beautiful. Being alone, hearing nothing but the calmness of the night is where I truly belong.

Occasionally, I get insomnia. Not bad ones. Thinking a lot sometimes, but other times, I just find it hard to sleep, taking an unusually long time to really fall asleep. Tossing and turning. Thinking. Plotting. Imagining. Fantasizing. And then I will fall asleep. Only to realise that a new day awaits. You felt like you just took a nap. But you don’t feel sleepy at all. Mentally tired, but nothing a good cup of coffee can break the exhaustion for the day ahead. And then it repeats for a few nights. It goes on every now and then. I sleep well for a period of time, and then I am as awake as an owl at night. Feeling productive, I do all sorts of things at night. Quiet things. Read, write, watch. Read ferociously. Till its past my bedtime. Past the number of hours of sleep required for a good night’s rest. Feeling grouchy the next day. Coffee in the morning. More coffee in the afternoon. Crash. Rinse. Repeat.

I dream almost every day. Vivid ones, fuzzy ones. But most of the time, I dream till I wake up. It’s like I have a second life. The moment my eyes close, the other life begins to stir. Never ending stream of visions passing right past being my eyelids. And then the alarm goes off. I open my eyes, waking up and seeing the world grounded in reality. I always see things, whether in dreams or in wakefulness. Rare do I sleep soundly where there is no visions, no dreams. Just sleep. Nightmares are rare thankfully. But some of them can be vivid, exciting and tense. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I just ran a marathon. My brain never resting. Always processing things 24/7.

I am a light sleeper most of the time. I wake up before my alarm goes off. I wake up when I hear the dogs barking on the street below when the owners were walking them. I wake up when two old ladies are having animated conversations after their morning exercise. I wake up when I hear the bathroom being used by my dad, getting ready for work. He goes to work earlier than I do. I hear all sorts of things before actually waking up from my alarm, because the world is already awake before I do. And thats a good thing. It means I wake up when the sun is already up.



Lately I have been having dreams almost every single night. At times, very vivid dreams. I know that if you dream, you are in a deep state of sleep. But somehow these dreams are so vivid that it felt as if I had not slept at all. It’s as if, I am leading a double life, my life during the day, while I work, and the fantastical life that dwells in my head. I can no longer specifically remember what those dreams are. It is always a totally different one that the night before. But often, my dreams are often filled with people whom I have known for years. Mostly they are my friends. Why they are inside my dreams, I don’t know. I have never encountered having dreams on an almost daily basis before. Maybe I should start taking note of my dreams down using my iphone the moment i wake up so that I can “collect” those dreams and recall them whenever I want to.

“Lately, I’ve been, I’ve been losing sleep.
Dreaming about the things that we could be.”
I do sleep late from time to time. But not a the expense of compromising my performance at work. I do feel tired sometimes during work due to lack of sleep, but it is something that it can be compensated with a cup of coffee. I still make an effort to get just about enough rest to get through the day.
I have trying to make a habit to really maximise my time during the day. Other than work during day, I still make time during my free time in the evenings to read a book, watch my favourite tv dramas, exercise, play video games,  blog, do a little online shopping and plan for the coming weekends. My time just aimless surfing the web has been reduced significantly, and my spare time is used more productively.
I am starting to believe that you should really maximise the use of your rest time, in doing something you like. This will help you recharge for the next day. It also helps you to destress so that you will not feel overwhelmed and exhausted at the end of the week. From time to time, you should break the routine and do something different, so that each week would feel special and memorable. This will break the cycle of seeing your time whiz by like a blur. Your life spent at the end of the year would really feel more significant, more meaningful.
Sometime in the future, I would want to do something bold, and that is to just book a plane ticket. Any ticket of my choosing and just go for a vacation. It doesn’t matter how long, so long as I am sati sfied in the length of stay based on the location I chose to go for a vacation. I should just go alone, and be out there.
This year though, I have an upcoming thailand trip with my friends. I hope that turns out well. I should take around 4 days. I will have 14 days of leave left. That should be enough for a trip somewhere further away. Maybe going to a couple of countries, or maybe 3 different cities. A good getaway. Oh I am looking forward to it.