A lot. And I haven’t update this blog in a long time. I promised to write my entire Iceland adventure here but I stopped half way. I promised to update this blog regularly. But I didn’t. Broken promises, so many of them. So why didn’t I live up to my promises? I can give you a thousand excuses, but none would be a valid one. So here goes:
I just don’t feel like writing. That’s it. That’s my excuse. To elaborate, my life is in a doldrums. A lot of things happened that just snowballs from there. After my recent trip to Iceland, I felt happy. Really happy. Travelling was the highlight of my life. Now that I have nothing planned ahead, there is really nothing for me to look forward to. Not that I don’t want to travel anymore, but my priorities have changed somewhat. I feel like it’s time for me to take a breather and save whatever money I have for my future. Not that I am broke. I have savings. A comfortable one, after starting work two and a half years ago. But I feel I can do better. And thus, I have made achieving my savings go and then exceeding it a main priority. That means less travelling, more saving. It’s not something I force myself to do it out of the whim, but rather after careful consideration, I feel that I should invest more in my future instead.
And speaking of my future, I am seriously considering taking a Master’s programme at NUS, Master’s in Science Communication. Most likely I would take it part time, which would span two years. If I do get it, that means even less travelling, more time studying and working. Essentially if all goes well, I am doubling down in staying put and working hard, both at my workplace, and at school. Working and studying. Ain’t gonna be easy. I would have to bite the bullet for two years. Will I be able to cope? Most certainly I will. And maybe on a sidelines, I could really accelerate my savings rate and reach my lofty goal. That is, if I don’t go crazy along the way.
So yeah, work wise, it’s not going well. I feel constricted all over a sudden. I am enjoying my work less and less as the days go by. I don’t know if that is normal, for someone who works at a place longer, over time, but I feel that if I don’t find happiness, a purpose in life in the next couple of years, I’ll go crazy. To say that I might go depressed? A possibility. So I need an outlet, and I have not found one. Finding an outlet, without spending money, thats a bad combination. I still love reading. I still find happiness in reading. But I need something else. When was the last time I truly felt alive? When I was in Iceland. When was the last time I laughed till my stomach hurts? When I was in Iceland. That was months ago. Laughter is the best medicine, but it’s hard for me to prescribe one.
So now to blogging. After months not blogging, I have returned. You might have guessed. I am getting desperate. I doing whatever I can do lift my spirits. To share this burden I am carrying. And I am trying blogging to see if it helps. Is this my last resort? No. I still have other outlets to keep unhappiness at bay. This is more of a stop gap measure. I hate my blog layout. It feels old. But none of the free offerings are appealing to me. So I guess I have to make do with it. I have thought of starting a new one. A more anonymous one. But what is the point of creating a blog, if not a living soul reads it, even if we are strangers?
So yeah, no vacations planned, no money to spend (it’s not as bad as it seem, but having more cash to spend would be great) and no way out to find true happiness.