“Numb II”

Numb II…. yes you’ve got it right, im not feeling good right now. Its not about friendship or anything. Its about me. I have been feeling unsettled this past week. My mind cant seem to be at peace, i have been thinking alot lately, about so many things, family, friends, the future, the past, school and many other things. My mind is in chaos and i have difficulty sleeping. It took me 1 to 2 hours of thinking before i could finally get to sleep. Im feeling mentally drained, and im not in my peaked condition. I constantly worry about alot of things, even the slightest of things, i tend to worry and ponder before i got to bed. I dunno why i think so much, but its unsettling. I can’t perform as well as i should be and things around me seems out of hands falling apart. Even if i could get enough sleep, ive been dreaming alot lately, and its the same thing again and again. Im constantly dreaming about me hanging out with a bunch of friends which i dunno them and smoking! Its really annoying and frightening at times, and everytime i dream about that, im always at someplace different, hanging there and lighting a cigerate. This is soo scary. It seemed sooo real and lifelike that i wonder to myself, is this how you feel when you smoke? I could feel the warmthness of the smoke going through my throat and into my lungs and felt sooo good! Its really scary.

Anyway, back to the main topic. Yeah, ive been feeling “lost”, like my mind is somewhere whenever i do things. Whenever someone tells me something, im not listening. Im not giving my 100% when i do stuff. My mind is troubled lately.

Sihui, I’m truly sorry for what happened today. I didnt take your suggestion seriously and you were right that i should stop Eugene from conducting the band during the sectionals immediately. I didnt take your feelings into consideration. I was partially at fault also because i was also very selfish. I didnt wanted to stop him because i actually wanted to play Ross Roy from begining to the end. I didnt have the chance that day, when we finished the remedial the playing was over. I just wish i could have better that day and i think that emotions overuled judgement during that time. Youre are the student conductor and i think that you deserve better than that. The following song has nothing to do with anybody but myself.

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“Numb” (Linkin Park)
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

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Animatrix Is B-E-A-UTIFUL!!!

Today, to my complete surprise, my mum bought the Animatrix DVD!! I wanted to watch that flick sooo badly. The film came out in Singapore as a VCD, but not the dvd, i asked a few shops and they said that itll come out a week later. I was a little disappointed because i have been waiting for the film so so many weeks.Finally, i got it!!!

This film, Animatrix, is a collection of 9 short animated films, revolving around the movie trilogy, The Matrix, Each animated film is no longer than 15 minutes. Though each is a standalone animation, it has no link to the next consequent animation film. Two of the episode tells the story on how the matrix was formed, a prequel to the movie that started it all, The Matrix. Created and visualized by the directors of the Matrix itself, the animated films are done and produced by a team of renowned anime artists in Japan. Each animation film is done by a different set of directors and team of animators. Audiences will be thrilled to be exposed into the various forms of animation done by professional artists.

The dvd, by all means, was B-E-A-UTIFUL!! The DVD Quality, audio and contents gives my hands a two thumbs up! Avant-Garde quality, animation at its finest. This is one of the rare and unique dvd that has alot of reveiwing value. Its contents are also amazing. In it contains not only the animations, but also the director’s commentery of the animations, the making of individual films, and profile of every director and artists who worked in the project.
10 stars! Must See! Anime at its Finest! Two Thumbs Up! Must Buy!

On the downside though, i realized that there are some but not many scenes that has been deleted. I have download that particular film on the official website before (of course, the “preview guy” when it comes to movies as some of my friends call me) and the scene was there. Although it is explicitly violent and inappropriate to incorporate the scene into the dvd and let the younger audiences watch it, however, i dont see the reason why they delete it in the final cut in the dvd version, rather than the sneak preview, where anyone can download it and watch on the official website. Its ironic that no warning whatsoever was given to audiences about viewer discretion is advised when downloading, but numerous were given on the back cover of the dvd. Nevertheless, the essence of the story is there.

And the preview guy will be up and running again to watch the Hulk, this saturday and at the same time be at Suntec City to collect my preordered Harry Potter Book. Tomorrow’s is the worldwide release of the most anticipated book in the world. 7.01 am will be released in Singapore, while midnight will be the release of the book in England. Im sooo excited!

My first dedication on air.

Ive nothin much to say about this past week except for one particular day, it was one of my best days i ever had.

We were attending a band concert and after the concert, we head off to Suntec City and the majestic Fountain of Youth to have dinner. We enjoyed the dinner and after we finished it, we stumbled upon a touch screen panel. It says that we can make song dedications with your desired messages. After finding out that it was free, we tried to make a dedication to my school band and we chose the song Linkin Park, Somewhere I belong. We then decided to wait for a while to see if our dedication was out. We went to the Fountain of Youth (Where the music and the dedication are being played and said) and touch the fountain for some luck.
Indeed out luck came true when our dedication was aired. We were soooooooo glad and excited when we heard out dedication and the song being said and played. It was one of my first dedication made and was lucky to hear it before we left the place.

To my old friends and teachers

I want to dedicate this special entry to all my special friends who were in primary school many years ago. Although we part our own ways, i will never forget you, to anybody who i can still remember. Forgive me if i have done anything to hurt your feelings or used it to my advantage and forgiveness accepted to all of my friends who in the past were together with me. Therefore, i would like to dedicate this song to everyone out there, including my primary school teachers. I dunno… but it seems that primary school life has given me a lasting impact emotionally and mentally. No matter what, i will still return to my ever proud primary school, Peiying Primary School, located in a humble part of yishun, for years to come. I will never forget my teachers who have helped me soo much that i just dunno how to repay you but simply to visit time and again during my free time. Mr Calvin Tay, Mrs Hanizah, Mr Mark, and Mdm Surati, my beloved Malay teacher. Ms Chew, who was my Primary 1 and 2 form teacher, and after 10 years, now, still teaches at Peiying Primary School. Mr Tay, I’m honoured to be rated as one of your best monitor in primary 5 and 6. Last but not least, Patarepon, you have been a great help in being as a friend and a monitress. I dunno whether you have returned to Thailand to your homeland or not, i just want to say a big thank you! Ernest, my funny friend, who people calls you names but never take it personally, who make me laugh rain or shine, your jokes are sincere and genuine, never meant to hurt other people’s feelings. Hope you are doing alright in North View…. I’m trully proud as you are to have a teacher like you and a student like me. Guess what, i still have that little notebook made our of pure recycled paper with messages and best wishes written by you and other teachers and i still think that it is the most treasured gift i ever had till this day, its a little dirty, but its still in my room.

This is your message:

Dear Jasrie,
You have been the best monitor I’ve known. I like to take this opportunity  to say a big “THANK YOU”. Hope to hear you when you leave Peiying. Best wishes from your future endeavours.
Mr Tay
Form Teacher
1999

This is the message is from my malay teacher. Forgive the language, its in Malay.

Khas Buat Jasrie yang budiman.
Jas Sayang,
Dalam Mengejar kejayaan banyak yg perlu dikorbankan… Dari itu, biarlah kamu lebih berwaspada dalam membuat pengorbanan itu. Setip kejayaan tidak akan tercapai tanpa doa usaha dan keyakinan. Semoga kamu mendapat perhidungan Allah sentiasa.
Jadilah anak yang soleh, murid yand rajin, Muslim yang taat, warnanegara wang patriotik DAN manusia wang KAYA dengan BUDI!!
Sayang Selalu,
Cikgu Surati Ali, Kelas ’99

Lifehouse: “Everything”

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
’cause you’re all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

“Numb”

I don’t feel good today.I feel like ive not done much to my friends, in keeping them together as a team, Junchong, Aaron, Uma, and me. Ive been thinking over the last few days and i think that the group is slowly breaking apart, into half actually, Aaron and Junchong one half and the rest the other. Me? I’m in the middle. Dunno what to do. Whenever i organise group studies, some wont come, they organise outing, some wont come, its been a looong time since we really get together and do something together.

“Easier To Run” (Linkin Park)

[Chorus]
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they’ve played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

[Chorus]
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler than change

[Chorus]
It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It’s easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It’s easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

“Numb” (Linkin park)

I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
‘Cuse everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

[Chorus]
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I’m becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be

An analysis of my results.

An analysis of my results.

This Mid-year results has made me realized a few things. Some of my weaknesses and strengths are shown in this mid-year exams. I was surprised to see my results when it was made known to me during one of the days.

Thus far, i am well on my way to achieving my goal, although i still need to brush up of a couple of things and i still need loads of motivation and support from anybody within my reach. Here is a run-down of my results:

English: B4
Mother Tongue: C5
Maths:C6
Combined Science:B3
Combine Humanities:B4
POA:B3
To go to JC :L1R5: 25 points (Not a chance!)
To go to Poly:L1R4:20 points (Excluding MT)

My aim is to a poly at least. By looking at the number of points i have so far, i wouldnt be able to go a course i sorely desire, life sciences, biotechnology that requires AT LEAST a 14 points, based on last year’s JAE. And 9 to 12 points to a course in a poly nearer my home. As you can see, i still need alot of work to do in the next coming months.

This are the results that i at least wish to achieve:

English: B3
Mother Tongue: B4
Maths:B4
Combined Science:A1
Combine Humanities:A1
POA:A1
To go to JC :L1R5: 14 points (possible to go to a decent JC, if i want)
To go to Poly:L1R4:10 points (Jackpot) (Excluding MT)

With 10 points for my Poly entry, i could easily take a life sciences course.

This is my dream results, only in my dreams, coz if this were to happened, good things will come to me….

English: A
Mother Tongue: B
Maths:A
Combined Science:A
Combine Humanities:A
POA:A

You see, i only state a general A grade, it can be an A1 or an A2, it doesnt make any difference. As i said, if this were to come true, my parents are going to give me anything i desire from the bottom of my hearts. ~Haiz~…………..
Coming up next, commmenteries of my results.

Personality Tests

Personality Tests

Idealist, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self — always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealist are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping other find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individual and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealist are rare, making up no more than 8 to 10 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and thier idealism has given them influence far beyong thier numbers.

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Kingdomality- Benevolent Ruler

Your distinct personality, The Benevolent Ruler might be found in most of the thriving kingdoms of the time. You are the idealistic social dreamer. Your overriding goal is to solve the people problems of your world. You are a social reformer who wants everyone to be happy in a world that you can visualize. You are exceptionally perceptive about the woes and needs of humankind. You often have the understanding and skill to readily conceive and implement the solutions to your perceptions. On the positive side, you are creatively persuasive, charismatic and ideologically concerned. On the negative side, you may be unrealistically sentimental, scattered and impulsive, as well as deviously manipulative. Interestingly, your preference is just as applicable in today’s corporate kingdoms.

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Self Esteem Test– 65100

According to this test, you have a reasonably high level of self-esteem. There is, however, still some room for improvement. You seem to experience some doubt about your own abilities, occasional feelings of inadequacy and possibly even question your own self-worth from time to time. Essentially, you sometimes get caught up in a vicious circle; if you believe that you cannot do something, your belief causes you to think and behave in a way that leads to your eventual failure. Although your self-esteem is generally healthy, and some insecurity is normal, it certainly can’t hurt to give your confidence a boost. There is a wide range of resources available out there on the subject, why not check them out? You’ll certainly see the long-term benefits – increased confidence, better relationships, less anxiety and an overall improved sense of well-being.

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About Type A and Type B Personality

According to scientific literature, Type A behavior is characterized by an intense and sustained drive to achieve goals and an eagerness to compete. Personalities categorized as Type A tend to have a persistent desire for external recognition and advancement. They are involved in various functions that bring about time restrictions. Such personalities have a tendency to speed up mental and physical tasks with extraordinary mental and physical alertness. These characteristics make for super-achievers and high-powered people.

Type A individuals can get a lot done and have the potential to really move ahead in the world. But there is a high price to pay. Certain components of such a personality can inhibit happiness and even threaten health. For example, the goals that Type A folks set are often poorly defined and therefore hard to achieve—a perfect recipe for misery.

Type A is also characterized by a general discontentedness and the impulse to be overly critical and demanding, even contemptuous of imperfection, in the self and others. This focus on negative aspects and the accompanying bursts of hostility, impatience result in guilt, remorse and anxiety.

Type A personalities are motivated by external sources (instead of by inner motivation), such as material reward and appreciation from others. Type A folks experience a constant sense of opposition, wariness, and apprehension–they are always ready for battle. And anyone can imagine how this constant (and very exhausting) existence would deplete reserves of contentment and happiness and disrupt personal equilibrium.

Although the literature is somewhat inconsistent because of problems with the conceptualization and definition of Type A behavior patter, it has been linked to higher risks of cardiovascular diseases. The risks seemed to be reduced with intervention aimed at reducing Type A behavior. Indeed, those with a high Type A score would be happier and healthier if they were to file down the jagged edges of their personality. By learning how to control the negative behavior patterns while preserving their drive, Type A people can be successful without sacrificing their emotional well-being.

Type B behavior is usually defined as the absence of Type A behavior. Type B personalities are relaxed and have a laid-back attitude and posture. They are friendly, accepting, patient, at ease, and generally content. They are at peace with themselves and others. They show a general sense of harmony with people, events, and life circumstances. They tend to be trusting. They focus on the positive aspects of things, people and events. Type B folks are self-encouraging, have inner motivation, are stable and have a pleasant mood. They are interested in others and accept trivial mistakes. They have an accepting attitude about trivial mistakes and a problem-solving attitude about major mistakes. They are flexible and good team members. The Type B person is able to lead and be led.

Result: 38100

What does your score mean?

Your attitude to life is very relaxed and hedonistic. The hostile, aggressive and competitive part of you surfaces rarely, if ever. You are easy and fun to be around. The down side is that you seem to take everything so easy that you might miss on important opportunities. Make sure you are just being cool and relaxed-and that it’s not getting to the point that you simply don’t care much about anything. Try to put some structure into your life-get organized. Pay more attention to what you are doing and focus

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Results of Your Assertiveness Test : 48100

According to your results on the Assertiveness Test, you seem to be doing relatively well in standing up for yourself. In most day-to-day situations, you possess the necessary skills and inner-confidence to tell others what you need, think or want. There may be the occasional moment, however, when you find yourself hesitating to declare your view on things. Why not take some steps to improve your ability to stand up for yourself, since you’ve already mastered the basics? You have nothing to lose, but plenty to gain.
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Goal Setting Exercise Score: 3 (veryhigh)

You set very high goals on the Goal-Setting Exercise. Although you didn’t go so far as to aspire to the impossible, your goals were rather unrealistic. While aiming for the top is certainly not a bad thing, make sure you shoot so high that it leads to frustration or disappointment. Take a look at your approach to goals in career/studies, relationships and everyday life; do you often feel disappointed when you are unable to reach your objectives, or give up when they seem too insurmountable? Stay aware of this tendency and tone it down a bit, for your own benefit. Success takes time and hard work, and is best approached in small, digestible chunks. You can still shoot for the big-time, but break down goals so you can clearly observe your progress. You’ll be less likely to throw in the towel when things don’t go as smoothly as planned! Remember that success does not come overnight, but achieving your dreams is worth the time, effort, and patience! As Lowell once wrote, “There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”

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Your ACT Self-Profile

The ACT Profile uses reliable and valid methods to assess which personality attributes are prominent for you. Your scores on each of the 11 personality traits are displayed on the profile below. Scores for each of the traits are displayed in percentiles created from a database of professionals, including some from your organization. The center point of the circle equals zero and the four concentric circles mark the 25th, 50th, 75th, and 100th percentiles comparing you to the database of professionals.

1 Helpful (score = 48)
2 Sociable (score = 56)
3 Need for Approval (score = 65)
4 Dependent (score = 69)
5 Tense (score = 31)
6 Rigid (score = 10)
7 Controlling (score = 15)
8 Competitive (score = 65)
9 Conscientious (score = 81)
10 Achieving (score = 40)
11 Innovative (score = 17)

Your ACT Self Profile is a snapshot of your personality. The longest/largest shaded areas show which traits are most prominent and characterize your presence. If, for example, you score 82% on Competitive, it means that 18% of people are more competitive than you are and 81% of people are less competitive. This is a moderately high score compared to other people-higher than four out of five people. A score of 8% on Sociable is a hard sign that you are not a people person, given that 92% of people are more sociable.

You are:
-Motivated to produce high quality results
-Wants to get along with others
-Serious, not often spontaneous
-Disciplined, detail-oriented
-Can work well independently or on a team
-Likes to be noticed and recognized for efforts
-Analytical, prefers to look carefully before leaping
-A perfectionist; may not produce timely results_
-Conservative
-Respectful to others, diplomatic
-Reliable and restrained – not impulsive
-Likes rules and procedures
-Works best in a structured setting