One month later… almost…

A summary of whats going on in my life this past month:

Band Exchange and Honor band concert:

On the 30th of October, my Band had a band exchange with 2 other school and an honor band concert, which is basically picking out the best players from the 3 schools, combine them together and play music together in the concert. The concert was a full house and it was a great experience and we did very well overall. I am proud of my band and myself as i had never before explore beyond my learning capabilites in the aspects of music making.

Hari Raya Aidilfitri:
The fasting was over and i get to eat and crave to foods which i had not eaten for the past month and we also celebrate the joyous occasion with my friends and family and get to visit each other’s houses and collect green packets.

Holiday bored as usual:
Nothing to do and bored as hell. Im not depressed though and thats a good thing. Some people are so bored at home that they do stupid and odd stuff but fortunately i can keep my sane long enough..

No time to write must hurry!!


Crash and Burn

This song is dedicated to my friends, and everybody who is reading this journal entry. To those who are lonely, bored, or doesnt have any loyal friends to be with you when you need them most, do not despair…

Artist: Savage Garden
Album: Affirmation
Song: Crash And Burn

When you feel alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart
I know that you feel like the walls are closing in on you
It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold
When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take it anymore

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You’re caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head
When hopes and dreams are far away and
You feel you can’t face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it’s over you’ll breathe again
You’ll breathe again

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild wild heart

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I’ll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You’re not alone

Graduation song

I know its too early to post this song and dedicate this to my friends, but i couldnt wait to the day it arrives, so i just paste it anyway:

Graduation (friends forever)
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we’re gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same

But when we leave this year we won’t be coming back
No more hanging out cause we’re on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don’t have another day

Cause we’re moving on & we can’t slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of that night in June
I didn’t know much of love, but it came too soon

And there was me & you, & then we got real blue
Stay at home, talking on the telephone
We’d get so excited, we’d get so scared
Laughing at ourselves, thinking life’s not fair
And this is how it feels…

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

So if we get the big jobs & we make the big money
When we look back now, will our jokes still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule?

Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won’t interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it’s a time to fly
And this is how it feels…

As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change, come whatever
We will still be friends forever

La, la, la, la
Yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la
We will still be friends forever

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it’s like we’re women & men

Will the past be a shadow that will follow us round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town?
I keep, I keep thinking that it’s not goodbye
Keep on thinking it’s a time to fly

Why why why?

Why why why?

Here I am, sitting at Macdonalds Restaurant, writing my entry on paper. Its gonna be a long entry full of rantings and negative thoughts of what had happened to me recently. The reason why i wrote this entry in a restaurant is because im bored at home. Hopefully i can meet some of my friends, new and old passing by the busy corridor as i look through the glass panel. Its 2 in the afternoon and it gets pretty crowded during lunchtime.

The last few days had been stressful, negative and terrible to experience. Not only in band but the teachers and friends. Its the holdiay season but i’m still getting all these things. Dont they know what does the word holiday season mean? It means that we get to relax and hangout with friends, away from school as much as possible. Still im going back to school 3 days a week for band. What have i done to deserve this? Why am i getting these treatments? Why am i getting negative feelings? Why am i feeling hopeless? Why am i getting frustrated? Are my principles that i have hold on to for sooo long finally begining to abandon me? Have i change my attitude that drastically? Have I change alot, or is it the environment that im in? Are my choice of friends the right ones? Am i a good leader? So many questions, soo little time, soo little opinions, soo little help.

In band: My-teacher-in-charge will be leaving next month and soon the band will have a new teacher in charge. Again, I have to adapt and make necessary changes to suit the environment. Its barely a year and again i have to make changes and adapt. My present teacher in charge is not very happy with me. For no good reason, she just overreact and shouts at me in front of the whole band. What i think is right for the band is wrong to her. I cant seem to take initiatives on my own without the intervention of the teacher. It seems that i have led my teacher down and also the band down because i have not been a very good leader. Never in my life i oppose a teacher. Throughout my life in school, i always thought that the teachers are saviors who always make the right decisions but now, i just couldnt take it anymore and feel like shouting back at her but im afraid to do it.
She is a stuck up bitch. She even dared ask me whether i was mad at her when she shouted and overreacted at me the day before. argh!!!!!! She is doing injustice to me. Im in a dilemma right now. Being a leader is extremely hard and i dont think i am a natural born leader. Its hard to accept that you are a leader when you have led your teachers and members down many times.

I feel that im not a really good leader and that the teachers and peers have made a wrong choice. Im just too emotional and often take criticism too personally. These negative emotions are really compromising my dignity and principles which i have held up high for the past year. Being happy, proactive towards everything, make many friends, patience, endurance, commitment and working hard as reward is near. These are some of the priciples ive upheld. Now, it dont know whether im principle centered anymore.

This is a story about how a book changed my life:

Exactly one year ago, when i got my end-of-year-results, in Sec 2, my dreams were shattered when i realised that i couldnt get to a better class, triple science, double math. Although i was second in class position, i still couldnt get in because of my math, i failed my math badly. This result in going to another worthless class, with worthless students, worthless subjects, and a worthless future. That was what i thought at first. Some of my friends dont deserve to be in the first class, and some even failed their english but still manage to get in!! Some of my best friends whom i helped them alot in many ways, got in the better class, leaving me with nothing. From that point on, vengeance, hate, jealousy, frustrations, hopelessness and anger sets in. And i indulge into these emotions throughout the holidays. During the holidays, i felt frustrated and hopeless all the time. I rejected good friends’ invitation to hangout with them coz they are enjoying it since they are all in the better class, so why should i hangout with them?(vengeance and hatred) I stayed home and did some serious pondering and reflection on myself and quite some reading too. My social life and social interation was a flat zero back then.

Then one day, i went to Kinokuniya and was browsing some self help books on the shelf and came across this book entitled “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens”
I read a few pages and found out that this book will help a teenager change his attitude and become a better teen. It was such an expensive book since it was a bestseller but i bought it and began reading hoping that it could change my life.

2 weeks later, upon finished reading the book, I realized that this book has a lot of life lessons to learn. Its also very updated because the author knows how teenagers are faced with difficult challengers in the modern world nowadays. The book teaches you how to manage time and stress and how to balance your life and renewing your body, soul and mind. They book also thought me the power of writing goals and missiont statements that would reflect you during the year. I began settling down and began writing out a list of the goals that im gonna make the following year when the school reopens, and a list a mission statements that would reflect what are the things that im gonna do in that year to improve my attitude, and improve on a lot of things and accomplishing tons of opportunities are will be thrown to me during that year. It took about 2 hours to really think hard and write a these lists down. This is my mission statement for 2002:

1. Do not judge a book by its cover.
2. Be proactive.
3. Be principle-centered, the best way to get through your life.
4. Set reacheable goals.
5. Never take the simple things in life like friends, family trust and love for granted. You never know when its gonna run out or dissappear forever.
6. Appreciate other people’s differences and see their differences as a great advantage.
7. Go for every opportunity.
8. Do something different everyday.
9. be independent. Relying on you friends all the time just sucks! Trust me.
10. Don’t be afraid. Just do it. Don’t turn back as reward is near.
11. Treat every setback as a road to success and greater opportunity.
12. Use momentous moments to reach your goals and even exceed your expectations.
13. Think win-win, for I am a grape.
14. Be a prioritizer, not a procrastinator, Yes-man or slacker.
15. Plan ahead. Be balance.
16. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
17. Accept challenges and take risk.
18. Take time to renew yourself, your soul, your body and your relationships, with your friends and families.
19. Be a role-model in whatever you are at.
20. Your greatest fears can be your best friend if you know how to handle them well.
21. Don’t worry, be at you best.

With these mission statement that I have created and from that point on in my life, it changed my life completely. With that book, it changed my life totally, as if i had been reborn again and about to start my life afresh. Without it, i would not do well in my studies as i have shown it now, due to lack of inspiration from anybody and probably would do many nasty stuff, like breaking school rules and the likes. This book inspired me to reach my goals and do well in whatever im in.

Throughout that year, i perservered and its not easy mind you. Balancing so many things at one goal is no easy task and im amazed that the author who wrote this book understands how teenagers are faced with various problems nowadays as compared to teenagers 20 years ago. I began accepting my fate and began a new journey in friendship making, attitude-improving, principle-centered, academically-successful and many more, rather than to indulge in my past, negative emotions and the mistakes that i have done, since it no use turning back. By the end of the year, i made a lot of friends, stress-free, and basically happy at what i am in at that time. When the end-of-year-results were released, I was amazed! I got 1st in class position!! Never in my life have i acomplished such a daunting task. I must thank my friends who has helped me a lot during the process. Basically, we all help each other to acomplish their task (hopefully we did). All these hard work had been paid off! Statement 4,10,13,9, and 3 really worked well for me. I was so proud of myself and blessed that i made the right choice. During the course of that year, i continually strengthen my principles and spotted many paradigm shifts.

Oh gosh forgot my daily entry for NCO

Oops! It seems that i forgot to write the journal on a daily basis and to give an account of each of my NCO In-Camp training. My compter crashed recently and took me 3 days to get everything back up again, and since my NCO took up the whole day and rarely had the time to treat my wounded computer. Anyway, a summary:

Today is the third day of the five days in NCO. Its quite fun being in a Band Majors Course, making friends from other school and learning new things like conducting techniques and new leadership skill that i can inculcate in my band. Its no easy job but ill try to do my best. We discussed alot of things and i get better insights about the band from other school. Its an interesting experience and a paradigm shift. I always thought that this camp would be sooo boring that id rather go to hell than to attend this grueling 5 day camp the whole day! But it turns out that its very interesting camp though there is not much to do for a Band Major, since we just play and practise the pieces for the Passing out Parade on the last day. The conductor is a very experienced one. He his in his early 40’s , judging from his looks he is an eurasian but stayed in singapore for a very long time. He has been teaching band for 22 years and knows alot of things about band. As he always said, he lives and breathes band. He has a good sense of humour and i like his teaching. His teaching is far different from any other conductors and always try to simplify difficult parts through many approaches to different challenges. By the way, his name is Mr Gloss.

He gave a great insight about being a conductor of school bands and has been teaching numerous school bands. He is retiring early, in about 2 years time and ill never forget him. He never gets angry and always smiling and liven up the spirit of the band. It great being around with him.

All in all that is my long summary of the 3 days in NCO. Ill elaborate later if i have the time.

Complete Idiot!

Today is the second last day of school and just got my report book back. Im quite happy with my results except for my maths becoz i failed by only 4 marks!! If i passed my maths, i would have passed all my subjects with no red marks in the result slip.

Something unfortunate happened today in my class. My friend, Jun Chong, was playing around in class, coz he was bored so as the rest of the class and he and another idiot classmate who WAS my friend bumped into each other and hurt thier head. Zhi Hao, who was my friend was acting so immature, like an 8 year old kid, started to take revenge on Jun Chong and they both started fighting! I witnessed the whole incident and i saw that Zhi Hao started it all. The class went into a state of pendomonium and chaos everywhere. I had to stop them and calm Jun Chong but i was surprised that he did not want to fight with him and was acting cool all the time. On the other hand Zhi Hao, the alleged trouble maker started cursing and whats more, crying!!

So childish! i never seen a person so emotionally swayed. This is not the first time he started fighting in class this year. Its uncountable. I just hate him. He is sooo vengeful that he’ll take a fight at anyone, big or small no matter what the circumstances might be. But of all the fight that he picked, he never won a single one. He did lots of other childish and rude things. Just read the entry dated 10.28.2002. That’ll give you a better idea on his character and personality. argh!! I just hate him. Dunno why he is destined to be with us…. or worse… fate.

Bye October, Hi November

Hey guess what?

I just got my results for my final year papers and i got great results! I passed all my subjects and got 3 ‘A’s!! Im top in the class and im feeling happy!

My NCO camp is coming on the 5th of November till 9th of November. Im kinda nervous because I’ve not been practising the music pieces that are gonna played on that day. As for the Assistant Drum Major, good luck in throwing your mace with ace in the field! Just hope that you will do the school and the band proud!