The second half of 2013 was rough. Rough in the sense that I just graduated and finding a job wasn’t easy. Now that I have one, things are looking up. I am fully committed to me job now. I am learning the ropes as fast as I can, communicating openly with my supervisor on what needs to be done. Analysing his intentions so that we can work effectively as a team. All that I am willing to do. But now and then, there is this lingering thought, a bruise in the apple that you can barely see that just dampens my mood every time I think about it.
Like I said, other than the fact that finding the job was depressing, I feel that there is something else that I am unsatisfied with. Something within me that I am not happy. And the truth is, I am simply struggling to move on with life. I had so much fun (whilst in the midst of finding a job) with my friends. I did so many things with them, most of them for the very first time. I get to enjoy life and enjoy the moments big and small with them, sharing the joys that I had with them, and they, with me. Life was blissful as a matter of fact. But something happened that totally rocked the boat. I don’t blame anyone. It was inevitable. It was bound to happen. I have been through this scenario before in reality and in my head. I have thought about this happening eventually. The only thing that caught me unprepared was the fact that it happened too fast.
Now I am beginning to realize why they mean the world to me, to the point that whatever happens to them, I can never move on. I believe that my friends happened to be my anchor in my life during that period. They are my roots that kept me upright. They are my anchor when I slowly drifted away. They are a calm spot I could seek refuge when I’m overwhelmed with a torrent of emotions.
But now I am beginning to feel that I’m losing them slowly but surely. I hate to see this happening. It is bound to happen. And I need to move on and find a new anchor at a new stage of my life. And I need to do it quickly. They are my friends, but friends can only do so much. They are not going to wait for me. I need to make this happen myself. I need to find a way on my own to move on with my life. I need to find a way to make peace with them, when the time comes. I need to prepare for a time when we have established a relationship as friends, but not yet to the point where we can truly say we are true friends, and then simply tell them, that I have moved on with my life. Should that happen, I would be very sad, but it seems that the chances of that occurring is only going to increase everyday. However it would be a great blessing where the friendship is maintained to the point where there is no need to be in contact with each other often, and yet feel special towards one another. In other words, having them in a special place in your heart as true friends. And that takes time. Time that I do not have.
I have to move on.