Lately, I’ve been going through a storm of emotions. Feeling conflicted in so many different ways. I felt truly invisible recently. A lack of acknowledgement from a person whom I formerly trust. I know I should not have cared so much, now that the damage has been done. But somehow I can’t stop thinking about it. For some reason, it has been gnawing at me. I know that I could just let it go and it will never affect me again in any way. But like a thorn that you just cannot remove once it has pierced through your skin, the wound is there. I don’t know his part of the story. And I never will. Therefore I will not speculate and claim that I am right and things should have gone my way and the things I did was right from the beginning. Maybe I am simply making a big fuss over nothing.
But when I do see him in person, how will I possibly react? I think all that rage will seethe through me, and it will be very obvious. I must be careful in controlling my emotions when I do see him in person. But at the same time, I don’t think I would want to go all friendly on him. The finality of it all, is that there is simply nothing in common between us. Absolutely nothing. And that is the most frustrating thing about him. He pretends that he cares, but I don’t think he ever did. He is just two-facing it all these time. And no one is none the wiser.
The christmas chalet that my friends have organised for our friends and classmates is just around the corner. I hope he never comes. And I am pretty sure he never will. No RSVP, no comments, no updates, no reasons. I can’t be bothered. Please just don’t come. It will make both our lives so much simpler. I just want to enjoy the company of those whom I care most about. I want to share this joyous moments with the people that matter. The sincere people. The honest, down-to-earth good people. Please do not show your face. I am done here. I am tired of putting a face. I am tired of pretending that our friendship meant something, when it clearly meant nothing the moment you walked out.