I’m strong but brittle

Almost half of the semester is gone and work just piles up. Looking back, everything is going at blazing fast speeds and in the past few weeks, I barely had the time to take a breather. Sometimes, Id like to see myself as a strong person, disciplined, principal centered and rarely succumbing to negative peer pressure, taking in everything life dishes out at me. But inside, I am literally screaming. To take a good break is very difficult for me, and just trudging along week after week, I think it has come to a point where, sometimes I just wanna drop everything, and just shout till my lungs burst.

There is just no pause button in my life. No time to reflect in what I have done, the mistakes that I have made, the achievements and accomplishments that I have done. Simply put I dont have time to allow myself to grow and become a better person. Everyday I put on a poker face, expecting everything to be ok at the end, but when you look back you leave little trails of destruction here and there, making mistakes, overseeing problems that were not solved or rectified, and in the end you just don’t learn from them.

I think my greatest concern right now is that I have been ignorant towards other people’s feelings and emotions. I am sometimes very blind to what people think or feel and I tend to overlook these things. How do I make myself be more aware of such things? How can I improve my EQ? To be more sensitive towards their feelings and be responsive and adaptive to such emotional changes? Am I really that blind? Or am I just being overly critical towards myself? Maybe they just don’t care, or never really gave much thought, but I can’t help that maybe, I might have hurt them a little. I guess I just have to apologize to them for being so insensitive sometimes and maybe open up my eyes a little.

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